Colossians 3:13 “Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you.” – CEV

The people with the greatest capacity to hurt us are usually those closest to us. This is true of marriage as it is with any family relationship. The intricacies and complexities of a marriage relationship make it very difficult to prescribe any particular formula for healing and reconciliation. But it remains true that unforgiveness in marriage places a wedge in the relationship and causes emotional separation. Unforgiveness is an important hurdle to overcome if reconciliation and restoration of a relationship is to happen.

Forgiveness may not always be an action taken in one instance. it will often be a process that may take a short time, or a long period depending on the gravity of offense in question. The following are five key steps that can help marriages navigate this process.

Filter: Whereas it’s important to release your partner for any actions that hurt you, it’s also important to distinguish between malicious actions/abuse and the common hurtful errors. Abuse in all its forms creates a toxic environment that can pose a danger to one’s life as well as emotional and mental well being. Such scenarios may require additional measures like seeking external help and in some cases even reporting to the authorities. Taking such action does not mean that you have not forgiven your partner, but is just a safeguard against further hurt/injury.

Empathise: Seeking to understand your partners perspective in the matter will be a good starting point to releasing them and forgiving them. However, we should not cover up for irresponsible actions or accept responsibility/blame for our partner’s indiscretions.

Decide: Forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling. Our feelings may be telling us to take vengeance and punish our partner, but we can choose to forgive instead

Communicate: Seek opportunities to voice those things that your partner has done to wrong you, and communicate your decision to forgive. Such communication will bring closure to the matter.

Release: Remember that because of God’s love and grace you were forgiven despite all your imperfections and sins. Humility should guide your approach in forgiveness – being cognizant of the fact that Christ died in your place. You should have been the one facing the death penalty for your unrighteousness – if God released you of this penalty, surely you can release your partner from any wrong they may have committed against you.